Yeah, it's 6am and I've been up pretty much all night.

I don't usually talk bout unhappy things in my blog, because life to me is a celebration of happy things. But, I guess, if I don't write this, I probably won't get back to zzzz ever.

So, what would really be a test of Summer's patience and her limits? I had an answer tonight. It will be a hungry baby and a drunk husband, together, at 3am in the wee hours.

I thought that now that I've gotten used to Angel, maybe jw and I can take a break sometimes and let our hair down. Of coz, this means we gotta take turns because we won't leave Angel alone in the house. So last week, when Cat had her farewell at Nivö, I popped by for awhile. It was less than 2 hours before dear was summoning me back because he said baby was crying big time and wanted no one but me. So I came running back, guilty and sad that she cried.

This week, jw went to Harry's on wed for Han Leng's farewell. Well, he was still sober when he came back, and baby was fine cos' I was around. So yeah, I guess while it may be harder for me to go out, (anyway I can't drink much since I'm nursing her!), it would be fine for him to go out and party sometimes.

So last night, when he wanted to go out again, I had no qualms bout it. He said he will be back within couple of hours, and he will slip back into bed beside me, and he will wake at 7 to help me with the laundry and tidy the guestroom for my best friend arriving tmr. Well, he didn't keep any of those promises, I guess.

I waited up for him since 1plus, and when he didn't reply my smses nor answer my calls, I already knew maybe he was in trouble already. Truth was, when he finally came back at 3plus, he had to be helped back by his buddies. He couldn't stand, couldn't walk, couldn't open the door, couldn't find the toilet, couldn't take off his clothes properly. Busted. I didn't really know how to react when I opened the door for him. Haha. Shocked, sad, angry, sianz?

That was in addition to an awakened baby in her cot waiting to drink milk and for mummy to play with her and sing to her. So yeah, I not only had to take care of the little one last night, I had to put the big one to bed too. Fed the little one milk, fed the big one honey water, patted the little one to zzz, patted the big one for him to puke in the toilet, cuddled the little one, helped the big one to bed, and covered both of them and made sure they were warm. Haha. Quite a night, yar?

You know, it's not the first time this happened. (It's the first time with baby though!) Over the years, I already can't count how many times I've felt this way. Sure, jw and I love to party and love to drink and love to be with our friends, but surely there ought to be a limit somewhere, and we ought to have some self control, right? We've moved from single days to courtship days to early marriage days to preggie days. In each of the stage, he has gotten drunk too, yes even when I was preggie, I helped him puke in the drain and helped him home when in SG. But now, we are in daddy and mummy days, maybe things gotta change.

I can vividly remember and clearly pen down many of the incidents where alcohol got the better of him, and he said things and did things which hurt me time and again. Sure, I've been busted too, but compared to his, it's really tip of the iceberg. But well, it's already all in the past and bygones should be bygones. I'm just thinking, where do we go from here?

It's probably easier for me to cut down on my social life, firstly my baby needs me alot alot, secondly, I've already stayed away from alcohol for the past year, thirdly, I don't work here and I don't encounter the stress jw does from work, fourthly, my clubbing kakis are not here too. Which is precisely why I wanted to be a nice wifey and let hubby go out to indulge sometimes instead of him staying at home. It's really fine, but I guess, I just need him to think for us, for himself, for me, for Angel. Healthy drinking is definitely ok and is an essential for us, but not binge drinking and uncontrolled drinking.

I sound so much different from the me last time. Haha. The me who had to go St James at least once every fortnight, the me who loved to hit the dance floor, the me who would open bottle after bottle till everyone was high, the me who could not take dares and challenges and would down any drink and play drinking games with any stranger who wanted to challenge. Maybe, it's time to say, those were the days. Baby has changed my life! Sure, I bet I will still go out with my jie meis and my buddies next time, but my heart will always be with Angel and I will think for her first, not myself. I hope so.

My mummy, who though likes jw, was somewhat concerned and worried when I ws getting married, because having been through it, she said in the long run, the one who suffers most and sheds the most tears is the wife. Haha. She cared for me, I know. And I gave her my full assurance jw is a very very good hubby. Well, I still strongly believe he is. In fact, he's still probably one of the best and kindest people I know. Except for the few times he made me upset and sobbed. (probably 20% of it caused by his sober, stingy words or stubborn behavior, and 80% cos' of his drunkeness, silly acts and after effects). But every wife will cry sometimes too, I presume? So, I never will regret my marriage cos' I really love him more than I can ever say.

That said, ironically, tonight, I wasn't angry like I used to be, and I wasn't as upset. I didn't cry, I didn't feel my blood boil, I didn't feel my blood pressure rising. Haha. Maybe cos' Angel's smile took away everything. If there was anything I felt, it would be disappointment more than anger. But still, I applaud myself for my patience when I fed him honey water bit by bit, patted him, talked to him, and then tucked him under the sheets. I felt, so MOTHERLY!! Wahaha.

See, even though I only used half an hour to write this, it's already making me feel so much happier too. And I know tmr (or rather, today) will be a brighter day for all of us! And I'm very much looking forward to huimin's arrival tmr too!! Sometimes, all you need is a friend to confide in and the world seems so much better. My blog is my friend too! Keke.

Till the next happy blog. Tata!! I still love ya lots dear!! And baby!!