My mum in law spoke to me today. And well, she said she wanted to apologize for her son. Well, obviously she didn't need to do that and I don't want her to do that. If there's anyone who really wants to apologize, it should be him. I respect her for doing it as a mum, though. Anyway she said how she detests him smoking much more than I do since he started on it, how she was saddened and how she was against it given their family record. Anyway, I guess it's good to listen to older people like her and my mum. While they are not beside me to give me a true shoulder to lean on, at least I know they are there, though far, giving me encouragement and support.

My mum said, 只怪你自己太天真, 什么都相信. Maybe, maybe not. I dunno. But I probably won't be so gullible anymore. She told me to learn to accept things that can't be changed. I know I made her worry cos' I cried like throughout our conversation. Sorry mummy. I'll be stronger, like you. I promise.

And well, like everyone will say, every person on earth has his virtues and his flaws. So when a crisis or bad thing happens, try to think on the bright side and think about his good points. The thing is, I've never thought that jw is a bad bad person. I, of all people, know his good points and the good things he's brought upon me and Angel. I've never and will never deny that. But that doesn't me that when I uncover a near 4-year-old lie (yes, I realise it's more than 3 years, HAHA), I can just in the blink of an eye treat it like nothing has happened and that it didn't mean anything to me, right? Sigh. So now, like I've done in the past, I am trying to list down what made my hubby fall in love with him in the first place.

1. He is kind and generous. This is probably something that will never change. He is extremely generous to his friends and family, and he doesn't mind putting in more sweat/money than others or being at an disadvantage.

2. He is really filial. Yes, no doubts about it. He is probably the most filial person I know around me. Near perfect example to display filial piety. That is something that touches me and makes me proud of, and hopefully my kids will learn how to be filial to their parents too.

3. He is trustworthy, honest and truthful. This used to be one of his top virtues. Well, it's being stroked off on my list, at least for the near future. Because a guy that can look at me in the eye, say things like 'I swear' and 'I promise' but was in fact lying for nearly 4 years (probably near 100-200 times), is not one that is considered trustworthy. Sorry dear. Even if you think it's a white lie, it's still a few years old of lies. And if you had the determination to keep your proposal promise, probably year by year from year 1 to year 4, you would have become maybe a social smoker only? Anyway, trust is earned through hardship but is destroyed easily. Hopefully one day, I can find back the trustworthy and honest jw I once knew.

4. He helps to share my burden. We are not the kind who will lie in bed, chit chatting about our day, our troubles and worries, like the best of friends. Some couples are like that, right? I tried to ask jw to do it, but he ends up dozing off everytime and I'm just talking to the wall. So though maybe he doesn't share alot of my emotional burden (my blog does!), he does listen to me talk and help me out in my day to day chores like washing the dishes, taking care of the laundry, looking after bb while I bathe etc. I know sometimes he's weary after work, however he seldom complains and gives me a helping hand especially when it comes to looking after Angel. That, I am thankful for.

5. Perhaps most importantly, a loving hubby and daddy. Yes, being hurt in this episode doesn't blind me and deny him of his love for his family. I am not that silly or unreasonable. I know that he loves me and loves his girl deep deep. I used to think that he can give up anything for us (including smoking, yes). While that is not proven yet, I still think that he will be willing to make extra efforts and sacrifices for us. Without love, a family probably will not be able to survive, right?

That's all I can say for now. "Always look on the bright side of life", right? My only hope for now is that my loving family will stay loving. And I wish and pray for a honest, open, trusting love between us. It will take time to heal, no doubt. I will try my best to patch back and sew back the wound. I definitely can't treat it like nothing has happened. But I will wait and see, if things get better and if jw learns to become a trustworthy hubby again. Please, NO MORE LIES okie?

I want happy posts on my blog, not sad ones. Haha. Overly optimistic. Who doesn't have ups and downs in life? But well. I still prefer to write all about my happy life. So happiness, please come back to me!!