Happened to tune in to the first episode of SuperBand 2 yesterday. Well, obviously it brought back alot of memories, and once again, I felt myself falling into that deep, dark well.
It's been nearly a year since he left us. I msged Renee saying the show made me sad, she said she teared up every now and then when watching the show, and Aaron, well, he simply can't bear to watch it yet.
It was then that I realised, it's been quite long since I last teared for him. & somehow, that thought just made me weep uncontrollably in the wee hours last nite, after watching some of his past videos, him playing 'Gao Jie' on the piano for Renee, and listening to the song he wrote for me again. Maybe Aaron is right, time will make everything fade, every pain a little lesser, every loss a little bit easier to bear. Regardless of whether you want it or not. However, the one thing it cannot do, is to erase the pain or heal the wound completely. Never.
So yesterday, I let the wound open up totally and I felt the pain, the loss, the misery that I felt a year ago. I felt sorry that amidst all my blissful events like my ROM and wedding this year, I had kept myself so extremely busy that I didn't spend much time for this old friend of mine. Really sorry. & sad. I wonder how he is now. I hoped to be able to dream of him again. I wished he could be here for my wedding. I wished to be able to see him again. I wished we could dance Lindy Hop like how we did in FOC. I wished I didn't reject going to ECP to meet him (which so happened to be the day jw had his eye stitched up after an injury). I wished he would still pick up the phone if I dialled his number now (which I detest myself for not doing earlier when he din reply my sms-es). I really wished I had the power to turn back time. I wished and I wished and I wished.
I dunnoe. Thinking about all this makes me feel more lost than I ever felt. But yet, I dun wanna stop thinking about all this. I want the pain to be part of me always and I never want it to go away, becos' he will always be a part of me for as long as I shall live. A good friend ain't easy to find, I found him and I never wanna lose him.
Miss ya much, Ishi...
~Summer~ 10:06 AM
My name: Summer Goh Yun Shuang
My wish: To lead a life with no regrets..
My belief: Life is beautiful & always full of hope.. Quote of the season: A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankroll smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for...
Happened to tune in to the first episode of SuperBand 2 yesterday. Well, obviously it brought back alot of memories, and once again, I felt myself falling into that deep, dark well.