Monday, October 16, 2006

Ain't I lucky...

Today, I was on my way to Expo to visit the Innovationation exhibition. In my hands was James Patterson's novel, titled Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas. I had pre-registered for the event, and gosh I was one and a half hours late! But upon reaching expo and in midst of walking through the halls, I was so immersed in the reading that I couldn't really see what's ahead.

Then when I got to the last few pages, I realised that's it, I HAD to sit down and finish it. At the end of the book, I realised I had controlled the tears in my eyes, but I knew somehow I had tears in my heart.

This is what Patterson's books do to me. Not those thrillers, murder, suspense stories of his, but the heartwrenching novels about family, loss and love. I realised that books teach me so much about love and life that no other can ever teach me. I'm glad I found a hobby to keep myself occupied when jw is away. Keke.

The story of the five balls

This story is such a true fact but which most of us do not realise, or choose to ignore, till it all becomes too late.

It goes like this.

Life is a game in which you are juggling five balls. The balls are called Work, Family, Health, Friends, and Integrity.

And you're keeping all of them in the air.

But one day, you finally come to understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it bounces back.

The other four balls - family, health, friends, integrity - are made of glass. If you drop one of these, it will be irrevocably scuffed, nicked, perhaps even shattered.

There are some things in life, once you lose them, they're gone forever. I don't know why I've felt so so strongly about this since I was little. Perhaps it's due to childhood, due to my past, or simply just because I agree with this statement whole-heartedly the first time I stumble upon it. But I've always believed in relishing in the joy of today, for tomorrow may never be the same again. The world will not be the same again, your loved ones may not be the same again, you yourself may not be the same again.

Which is why we ought to say the words "I Love You" when we have the chance. What's wrong with saying it every morning, every night, when you mean it from the abyss of your heart? What's wrong with letting him/her know? Is there anyone who gets tired of hearing these three words? Haha. Not me, definitely. Don't be stingy with your words. If you can't spare money, at least you can spread love.

The longed-for ships
Come empty home or founder on the deep
And eyes first lose their tears and then their sleep

Sad. So sad. A pity all of us will have to experience the feeling of loss. The feeling of crying, the feeling of pain, the feeling of devastation.

Will we all come to a point in time, hopefully not when we've already reached our twilight years, when we realise that we have overspent time of our lives burying ourselves in work, and neglected our family & friends? What do we gain by selling our souls to the company we work for? Yes, money is one. Colleagues might be another. Or maybe fame. But does that suffice for giving up the more important things in life? There are so many things in this world that are superficial, and one might wonder what do we carry away with us when we go into our graves. These are some of the countless questions that I always ask myself. & of cos, no one else can answer them except me myself since no one hears them.

I'm glad I'm not over-dedicating myself to my work. Yes i love my work and the people I work with and of cos' I put my best in everything I do. I also work hard for my future home, my future kids, my future life with jw. But more important than that, I clearly know and understand that jw, my parents, my family are far more important than my work. Far far more. & I want them to realise that, and know that I love them.

Teaching kids has been a passion of my life, and it's one that I will cling onto. People have asked me umpteenth times, why make myself so tired and struggle to work on weekends. If you think it's for the money, you are so wrong. If you think I'm not tired, you are wrong too. I hold onto it because it's a dream come true. It's a real love of my life, and it's something that conjures joy and happiness in my heart. How many of us can truly find that? It's so rare and it's such a beautiful gift that I will stay true to to this commitment for as long as I can. Joy has a way of overcoming fatigue, don't you know? At least, for me. =)

Gosh, I must be thinking alot tonight. I always do when I'm alone. It feels kinda nice to just think about my life, my past; & then dream about and look forward to my future. I don't know why I feel so happy tonight despite my cramps. Haha. That's good, I'm a lonely gal but I'm smiling. It's now 2.30am & I better get to bed since tmr is a Monday.. =) A brand new week waiting for me..

& for me, I'll be patiently waiting for jw to come back.. Have fun in Hawaii!!~

Ain't I lucky to have a lovely grandma, a great mum, and a wonderful bf who love me like I'm a little princess..