Have you ever gotten the feeling that emotions are getting the better of you and you can't seem to control them?

Well, I admit I have. Many times. I'm a typical girl and a typical Venetian. Which is why when I read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, I kind of have to agree with many things written inside. Jw doesn't seem to believe in books, but I do, the fact that it's a best seller and has helped to reconcile so many near divorce cases means that there is some truth in it, I feel.

Over the past years, there were many times when some things that jw said or did that upset me. Of course, I must have done things which provoked him too. But the thing is, maybe guys are more heck care or maybe he can keep his emotions in check better than me. So I am always the one in tears, in frustration, in agony, in pain till the storm blows over. Sometimes I think I really get upset by little things and trivial stuff, but you know that feeling of "I just can't help it!!"??

For example, jw has always been a natural charmer since young. He was a cute boy and he sure has a way with words. I remember he told me he used to receive love letters in school from girls and there will be many people going to the badminton court to cheer for him when he was the star player. Alot of girls, I bet. Keke. I confess, I was charmed too. He had so many close girl friends since he started schooling and he has always been popular with girls. Even up till uni too, he was a senior who was very 'seh' and cool and bad boy type, maybe that's why attracting many girls. Nan ren bu huai, nu ren bu ai, right? I mean, that was how we got hitched too, it needed that first attraction and it wasn't long before I fell head over heels for this charmer. And a charmer will always be a charmer, and will always be popular and have many close girl friends, so you have to accept and acknowledge it even when you become the woman in his life.

But love is never ever smooth, right? I mean, I can talk about the lovey dovey and fairytale portions of our love journey, but there must be the hard times too. After all, men and women differ by so much,their needs and wants can be so different and hard to comprehend sometimes. I admit women are complicated creatures, because I think I am! Therefore, so many times along the years, we had quarrels. Some heated ones, some milder ones, some cold ones, some unsolvable ones. And there will always be more to come.

Sometimes, I really feel I need to get a hold on myself and my thoughts. It's scary when negative thoughts come rushing in and you can't dispel them no matter how hard you fight. Makes you unable to sleep, sianz to eat, and basically no mood for anything, UNLESS you talk it out with your partner and thrash things out. But yet, sometimes after thrashing out, you felt that it was pointless or it didn't help things but worsened it. Or that you were just being over-sensitive and childish to react to something that your partner didn't view as significant.

There are times when I feel lonely and that no one understands me. Of cos, it's most unbearable when I feel that even jw doesn't know how I feel deep down. Probably most people have such feelings too? My emotions can take a roller coaster ride, and it is through age and experience that I try to keep them more in check.

Today, instead of picking up the baby book to read, I read the Mars and Venus book again. Read about the primary wants of men and women and how they can be extremely different. I guess it helps me to calm my thoughts. And there was a line I particularly liked, "Do things that make you happy instead of waiting for him to make you happy". How true. I think women can make themselves much happier if they choose to open their hearts, learn to let go of trying to change men, learn to put down unhappy things and do other more enjoyable stuff. It's hard I know. But not impossible.

As for me, I like to write down my inner feelings when I feel I need an outlet. There were times when I wrote many letters to jw last time, not knowing if they helped but hoping that they will help him to understand me better. There were times when I wrote for the sake of writing but never shared with him, because ultimately I could re-read what I wrote and think of the whole episode again and calm away my own fears and despair, without even telling him. And in the past year, ever since we got married, another tactic was for me to think about the below whenever I had unhappy thoughts.

It will be: Why did he marry me? I will think of alot of my flaws and shortcomings, and feel glad and thankful that there is someone who still loves me and wants me as his wife. When I think about my own flaws, I also try to oversee his flaws then because really, no one is perfect.

1. I am not pretty.

2. I don't cook yummylicious food.

3. I throw silly tantrums once in awhile.

4. I get jealous sometimes.

5. I can be mean with words when I am frustrated.

6. I am sometime selfish and put my needs above others.

7. I can be demanding.

8. I am a lazy person deep down.

9. I can be real stubborn.

10. I can be very defensive and hard to accept critism.

I can think of more bad points if I want to. It doesn't mean I am really a bad bad person, to be fair, but it's also true that I have many points in my character that are not worthy of praise and can be improved upon. But if jw can accept the way I am, why can't I accept the way he is? Maybe one big mistake women do is always trying to change the man for who he is, thinking that it's for his own good when he himself is resistant and doesn't see any fault in him being like that. If you really love a person, love him for who he is, not who he is not.

I was just thinking about this line that my friend said. That I was the one who taught him how to be contented with life in JC. I think I really believe in zhi zhu chang le, but why is it that as I grow older and presumably wiser, sometimes I forget that simple motto in my life, to be happy with what you have, not sad about what you don't, and cherish life to the fullest. Is it because we all turn blinded, or greedier, or more demanding, or basically just more easily disgruntled with life as we turn older?

Well, the point of this long story is just that I hope I can always look on the bright side of things and see the goodness in my life. Summer is a name for a reason. Hopefully the older we get, the more we'll learn to treasure our lives and our loved ones, and know how to forgive, forget and let go and not always think about the bad side of things. Life ain't perfect, but life can be truly happy.