Tuesday, November 13, 2007

In need of passion...

I guess it’s just one of those times in my life where I’m wondering why I’m doing all that I’m doing. Sometimes I feel like a lost sheep, and try as I might, I can’t seem to figure out the direction I want in life. I don’t wanna be lost and unseen in the herds of sheep, I wanna be the special one that wanders out on its own and explores a whole new different set of sights. I don't want a routine life, I need something exciting, something that makes my life worth looking forward to everyday I wake up.

I guess, I am in need of passion. I really am. Neh, I’m not talking about my love life, it’s as blissful as it can get for all I know, because I’m preparing myself to walk down the aisle of love with Junwei next year. Maybe the fact that he’s not here for the past half a year does cut back the sizzling passion in my life a little, but honestly our love hasn’t changed much and I would say in fact it grew even stronger than before.

What I need passion in, is my day-to-day job. I always think back about how I aspired to be a novelist all my life, how I felt the desire to be a psychologist, how much I loved Maths in sec sch and JC and how I arrived at the decision of studying mass comm amidst the sea of faculties. Weighing between accountancy and mass comm, I decided to go for the one which I deemed as more fun, challenging and demands much more creativity. Yeah, I was right. Media is fun! I get to work with movie clients and get invited to gala premieres, I get to travel on company incentive trip to overseas (we went Tokyo this year!), I get to work with airline companies, household appliance brands, beach resorts, credit card companies, I get invited to media parties/launches with endless good food and free flow of alcohol, I get to see MediaCorp stars once in awhile, I learn about the advertising and media scene, I get a huge sense of satisfaction when I witness my media placements airing on TV or see my outdoor ads at bus stops, I learn to use research software and greatly improve my MS excel, I get to work with a bunch of passionate, creative, energetic people etc. See? There are a lot of things I gained from my current job. Moreover, we just clinched the Media Agency of the Year award.

But amidst all the glam of it, sometimes I do wonder whether the long hours spent at work are well worth it, and is this where I wanna head along for the rest of my life. Do I feel a sense of satisfaction strong enough to keep me going? Am I learning enough to make me realize if this is the right industry for me? Should I keep going in the same direction or should I take a turn and try another road? Some of my mass comm friends have abandoned the industry, moving on to areas like banking or HR. I guess it’s natural to run after the pot of gold, but I don’t want it to be sole factor for causing me to give up my job. Sure, I still have endless bad debts to clear. Tonnes of it!! Study loans, insurance, hp bills, internet bills, blah blah blah. & I gotta remind myself to scrimp & save but still, everytime I receive my paycheck, half of it is used up to repay the loans. Gone in a snap. How I wish I can give mummy more than 200 bucks a month, but it’s quite beyond my reach at this moment. How I wish I can save up more for our fairytale wedding, & dat we could go for overseas photo shoot, but we gotta be realistic and plan within our means. Well, but again, wish as I may, hope as I might, I don’t want to be a slave for $$$. NEVER. Money shall not be the determinant of what I do or how happy I am in my life. As I said before and still strongly believe in, the happiest of people are usually the ones in the poorest countries. Because they learn to appreciate the goodness in life and are easily contented. Zhi zu chang le, right?

So, much as I feel I need a passion injection in my life right now, I hope I will make a decision because I believe in it, and not because I feel that I’m compelled to. I’m going to be 25 next year!! Time really flies and I hope when I’m still young, I can try out new things and learn as much as I possibly can. As the saying goes, you never know till you try. SO, sometimes we really should not think too much or else we will always be afraid to take that first step. Life is so short, why are we so afraid to try new things while we can?

Haha. That said, I’m still waiting for jw to announce whether he’s extending his stay in Sweden for 3 more years. Been waiting for months, and I think we still need to wait for a couple more months! Sigh. It’s affecting our wedding plans, such as when we can conduct our photo shoot, but well, no choice. Half of me is pinning to go over and stay with him in a foreign land and enjoy our newly wed life. I will be studying in the day and he will be working, and in the evening we'll stroll to the supermarket to get groceries and then go home to cook our dinner, and on weekends we will go for road trips with his frenz or simply nua at home and watch dvds. Another half of me just wants him to come back and life will be back to the way it used to be. On weekends we will eat with mummy & popo and then play mahjong, on weekdays after work we will go chill or watch movies or sing ktv. Once in awhile we will have BBQ at his house or go fishing or rollerblading. Both sound good to me, so long as we are together side by side.

Well, we shall see what fate has in store for us. & in the meantime, I will still be on the search for my life passion. Have you found yours? I sure hope so. Tata!!